My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
