i already hear my dad disowning me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
