I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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