I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
