Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
