ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
