So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
