My nipple is on Facebook.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
