i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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