I got chris browned last night
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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