I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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