My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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