Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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