she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
