: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
