Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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