i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
third nipple confirmed
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
