i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Come on in and take your pants off
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