Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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