Dual....:-)
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
