theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This toilet bowl is my home.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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