Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
