Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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