What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
