from now on my penis is your penis
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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