His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
