i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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