i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
