Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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