I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
