I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
