I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
