she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
