Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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