Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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