How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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