She said her name was "party"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
