I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
