I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
