It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
