Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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