We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
