Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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