Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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