im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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