Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
