hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
