She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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