you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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