she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
