I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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