he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
